'At first, she definitely asked to raise her.'
Would it have been my first child if I had accepted that?
Crack!
At that thought, dozens of fissures formed along the back of my hand.
It happened again because I endured without taking the medicine for the previous fissures.
Those shattered pieces of hand seemed to mock Lark.
As if to say, don't dream foolish dreams, being a monster. How could someone like you raise someone?
Your father bore you as a monster and raised you, and your mother went mad because of you.
If you have a conscience, you should know your limits.
Lark listlessly released the ribbon he was holding in Navi's hand. Then, he clenched his fist tightly.
Children and family.
I knew all too well that I should not entertain such foolish thoughts.
My hand trembled violently.
I needed to take the medicine, but I left the pain as a self-inflicted punishment, as if to awaken my mind.
The sharp pain, as if to jolt my consciousness, brought back memories that I had forcibly pushed to the back of my mind.
'Please, please, stop thinking! Stop it!'
Lark gritted his teeth, trying desperately to erase the memories.
But the more he tried, the more vividly the foolish wishes he once harbored resurfaced.
Dreams of becoming a husband to a woman and a father to a child.
That time, when such an undeservedly happy dream seemed so vivid, the wish of that time was so real.
I fell into a nightmare again, despite not believing in happiness.
'How foolish.'
It made no sense. After all, I was a regressor destined to die before turning thirty-one.
Lark had gone mad and then sane again in the endless cycle of regression, and finally devised a method that seemed to make him less mad.
It was to regress eternally to the age of eight.
From right after the regression to the age of seven, he killed his mother and locked himself up in his house with humans who could help him.
Then he scarred his soul.
He cursed himself to keep regressing to the age of eight, so he wouldn't have to see his mother's death forever.
That was his escape from the most painful moment.
At first, it felt relieving. The cycle of dying and being reborn became slightly less dreadful.
I no longer had to kill my mother, who would call herself a monster and commit suicide.
I didn't have to deal with my father and the scum of the family who treated me like a beast.
I destroyed the illusion of a family and found peace.
Family, huh. Human misery starts from there.
"Oh? Are you the head of the Eseled family?"
Then, for the first time in this life cycle, that woman appeared in his territory.
"You're twenty? You're younger than me! Try calling me Noona."
She was an annoying and irritating woman.
The saying that one is driven mad by the desire to die must have been made for her.
Seeing her made me feel my own sordidness more sharply.
I wanted the freshness of living the first life and the resolve of living the last life. Things I could never have.
That's why I felt spiteful.
I wanted to see the woman despair.
The only reason I left her alone was just that.
But to think that I would fall in love with that absurd woman.
Lark regretted for the first time his decision to regress to the age of eight.
I had already scarred my soul once to avoid seeing my mother's death. Because of that, my soul was damaged, and I couldn't curse myself in the same way.
But I didn't give up.
I found a way, over and over again.
This time, to keep regressing to the age of twenty.
So that the moment I first met that woman in this life could be repeated in future regressions.
I would love that woman forever.
But could my body withstand it? Could it endure for a year? A month? Or just one day?
Hope gave birth to despair, I had experienced it so many times before, and now I had hope again and despair once more.
The birth of something precious is a terrifying thing.
"So, it's precious, Lark. It's precious because it's scary, and it's scary because it's precious. In fact, those two are similar words."
The woman made an absurd statement.
But in the end, I had no choice but to agree.
Yeah. I was scared.
Terrified to the point of being horrifying.
That's how precious it was...
He covered his eyes with trembling hands.
If I regressed again, would I be able to see the woman? How much longer would I have to endure?
I was furious, as if going mad.
It seemed he couldn't bear to have something terrifying happen again.
Then this child appeared.
A strange little girl had entered the lair of a monster who had no more strength to spare.
Lark looked down at Navia, who was soundly asleep, oblivious to anything.
"Hmm..."
Just then, Navia tossed in her sleep.
Crack.
She even pulled at the hem of her clothes that she was still holding tightly.
Because of this, Lark almost exposed himself in an embarrassing way as his robe opened.
He awkwardly closed the front of his robe.
Suddenly, he felt deflated.
Even the sky was turning a faint light, signifying the break of dawn.
Darkness was lifting, and a new day was dawning.
Time flowed on, indifferent to his pain.
The child slept soundly, unaware of the horrors of this place, while he spent the night in foolish torment.
"When did time pass so much?"
He shook his head and murmured softly.
"What a fool."
Suddenly, he felt utterly foolish, and the situation seemed ridiculous.
"I should go up to the third floor."
He was about to snap his fingers when it happened.
Blink.
Their eyes met.
To the outward eye, Lark looked expressionless, but he was actually frozen.
Caught off guard, his thoughts halted when Navia spoke.
"...My Lord?"
Navia had opened her eyes to the sound of a voice, and was shocked to see Lark sitting by her bed.
'Why is the Duke here?'
Oh, this isn't right.
Navia sat up abruptly, trying to be proper, then hesitated.
'He dislikes formalities, would he dislike my proper behavior too?'
Finding herself in such an awkward situation so early in the morning and still half asleep, Navia couldn't decide what to do and simply bowed her head politely.
"Good morning, my Lord..."
Even as she greeted him, her mind was racing with speculations.
'Did I do something wrong?'
Was the cake from yesterday not good? As Navia pondered, Lark, equally perplexed by the situation, suddenly blurted out an idea.
"Aren't you working?"
"Excuse me?"
Work, what does he mean?
Navi blinked, looking at him with a blank expression.
Lark grimaced, trying to hide his embarrassment.
"Have you forgotten that I hired you as a barber?"
"Oh."
"The sun is high in the sky. Instead of taking care of your employer's hair, you're sleeping soundly."
Navia frowned in confusion at Lark's petty quibble.
Honestly...
'He sounds just like Wood.'
Such a rude thought, she must never say it out loud.
"I apologize."
As Navia apologized formally, Lark became even more displeased.
He didn't like seeing the little girl grovel in apology.
"No need to apologize. Just get to work."
So he said that.
"You mean to trim your hair?"
Lark replied confidently to Navi's question.
"Yes."
He had never intended to cut his hair.
'Tch, might as well do it now.'
He had grown his hair for a silly reason anyway.
<em>"You would look good with long hair."</em>
All for that one comment.
Hoping for the woman to return and say, "I knew it would suit you," with a smile.
So he grew it. For nine long years.
'Enough now.'
This round would end soon anyway.
So there was no need to keep his hair long and unkempt.
Honestly, long hair was too inconvenient and bothersome.
'I'm never having such hair again.'
Lark sprang up from the bed.
"Where shall we do it?"
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