The status window, which I had dismissed earlier, reappeared, flashing insistently in my field of vision.
-Ding!
[79 Unread Urgent Messages]
1. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock…
2. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock…
3. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock…
4. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock…
.
.
.
78. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock…
79. Urgent Message! - Due to severe mental shock…
A long list of unread messages scrolled down the screen, each one a testament to my rapidly deteriorating mental state.
I stared at the screen, my mind numb with shock.
The bright light flickered, the letters rearranging themselves in a dizzying dance.
It didn’t take long for me to realize what was happening.
“Ah…”
-Ding!
[System experiencing critical damage due to excessive mental strain!]
[System malfunction imminent!]
[Status window will be unavailable for an ‘unknown’ amount of time!]
“Fuck.”
A string of curses escaped my lips as I stared at the ominous message.
-Pull yourself together. Grit your teeth.
-Don’t let it crumble.
-Don’t you dare break.
The fragmented memories of a dream, of a voice urging me to hold on, flashed through my mind.
A moment later, the status window shattered.
-Crash!
The translucent blue screen exploded outwards, showering me in a rain of shimmering shards.
A mechanical voice, distorted and laced with static, echoed through the sudden silence.
-Ding!
[As the system shuts down, the passive skill ‘Iron Mind’ will be deactivated!]
[Skill ‘Iron Mind’ deactivated!]
Oh.
The wall was crumbling.
“No…”
The word escaped my lips, a choked whisper laden with despair.
.
.
.
Iron Mind.
An EX-rank passive skill, never before seen in the original story.
A mental barrier, bestowed upon me by the system, designed to protect my fragile psyche from collapse.
It was a vessel, of sorts.
A vessel that kept my negative emotions in check, preventing them from overwhelming me.
A vessel that kept the trauma and depression buried deep within me from resurfacing.
A vessel that held the fragile fragments of my sanity together.
It was because of ‘Iron Mind’ that I was able to experience a semblance of peace in this life.
It was because of ‘Iron Mind’ that I no longer woke up screaming in the dead of night, haunted by nightmares of my past.
It was because of ‘Iron Mind’ that I no longer broke down in the middle of training, my body wracked with tremors as I relived the horrors I had witnessed.
It was because of ‘Iron Mind’ that I was able to speak again, the trauma-induced aphasia that had plagued me after my mother’s death fading into a distant memory.
It was because of ‘Iron Mind’ that I no longer found myself perched precariously on window ledges, the urge to end it all a constant whisper in the back of my mind.
The status window, in its own twisted way, had given me a chance at a better life.
“Ugh… H-Help…”
But what would happen now, without it?
What would happen when the dam broke, and all the pain, all the fear, all the rage I had been holding back came crashing down?
“Agh… Aghhh…!!”
My mind would shatter.
All the mental illnesses I had fought so hard to overcome would return with a vengeance, dragging me down into the abyss.
“Arghh!!!”
“S-Senior?!”
“Master Raiden! Don’t rip off the bandages! The wounds haven’t…”
I hadn’t realized it then, back when I had entertained those fleeting thoughts of what life would be like without ‘Iron Mind.’
I hadn’t realized that it would be like this.
-Rip! Rip! Rip!
My hands, moving with a life of their own, tore at the bandages covering my wounds.
The fabric ripped away, taking with it strips of flesh, reopening the wounds that had been so carefully stitched together.
“Raiden! What are you doing?!”
“Stop him!”
-Thud…
The blood-soaked bandages fell to the floor, painting the ground crimson.
Blood, hot and sticky, oozed from my wounds, staining my clothes a gruesome red.
But I couldn’t stop.
I clawed at my skin, desperate to escape the suffocating terror that threatened to consume me.
Margaret, her face ashen with fear, grabbed my wrists, trying to pull my hands away.
My vision flickered, the edges of my consciousness fading to black.
And then, everything went dark.
Access 5 advance chapters with the 'Blink' Tier ($10) or 10 advance chapters with the 'Sorrow' Tier ($18) or 20 advance chapters with the 'Iron Will' Tier ($35).
Choose your tier by clicking the 'Support me' button!
Rate and review this novel on NU to help people find this novel.
Join our discord server for the latest release updates and novel discussions.
Noooo
ReplyDeleteHe's gonna be broken after he woke up. His suicidal thoughts gonna reemerge, his aphasia is gonna return which means he can't even communicate to fix all the misunderstandings. Assuming he doesn't immediately kill himself, he won't even have any motivation to move around, but he also can't sleep because of his nightmares, he'll just be a soulless husk.
ReplyDeleteSo back to square one huh, I somewhat understand our mc, not all people can share their feelings as easily as other thought it was. Some people belittle or make joke of people's depression, yeah some of us can handle it. BUT NOT ALL of us have the capacity to handle the suffocating emotions. Maybe someone will say to just tell it to someone trustworthy but what if the person can't trust anyone because he was once betrayed by someone he thought to be his/her most trusted person. Because I noticed some people make fun of those people who committed suicide saying that they are too weak to end things easily. All I can say is that they're all too lucky to not have those dark thoughts and having a good environment supporting them.
DeleteI agree. A lot of people are saying that things get repetitive, he gets good moments and then he get plunged down into despair again which ruins all the build up and character development he should have, but I think it's realistic for someone in his situation. There are no chains of events that will completely cure your depression, you improve but you are likely to fall back into those thoughts again. You learn, but you still makes the same mistakes, it's not at all uncommon or unrealistic.
Deletecliff aaaaa, i need moreeee
ReplyDeleteWhat was Allens "title" again? "Hero of Light" or something like that?
ReplyDeleteHis actions make him unworthy of being called a "Hero" imo, he is way too vengeful to be called a hero
The saintess fuckup about the letter is forgiveable imo, but the ex fiance could've gone alone to check things instead of gathering a kill-squad like she did
And don't try to convince me it is something else, they all did come with the intention of killing the mc
And his martyr-like self sacrifice from the trip is wasted on his ex-fiance
DeleteThat should've shown her that he changed, she also has seen via the unicorn that the things she believed she knew about him were a lie
Yes, if by somehow she end up with his ex fiance ... Hmm
DeleteI have theory - what if because of this stress and all his personality again change, somewhat to really evil ( who distrust people). Then he contacts his house. The news about lady phyler and her friends attempted murder on seriously injured young master listhin. Could this be scheme of this families ( phyler and all ) to weaken the Duke family or infact imperial family. Then there will be a civil war!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI think they are just stupid assholes
DeleteAllen is the typical "my way or the highway" hero and his playthings (non of his harem members seem to have enough character or brain to be called something else imo) do literally anything he wants without questioning anything
The ex fiance never was a particular good partner since she never questioned, and still doesn't, why the mcs character changed from the very best person there is, to a shitstain
Even with the things she found out she is still too stupid to make a connection and start questioning why he behaved the way he did
However I believe that Allen will become a true villain in this story and graduate from being an asshole
Oof that was a rough chapter to read
ReplyDeleteDamn. All this just because of Allen "the hero" which really doesn't fit him. He's a stereotypical dumb protagonist who only got carried by being the mc.
ReplyDeleteAnd not to mention those girls who who's just dumb as Allen. Rachel best girl. I just hope Raiden got his revenge. I want him to be petty. I hope he becomes a vigilante
You know what, I think the next chapter will be our mc in a medical room then there's the princess, sister and his nanny, somehow they will know what happened to Raiden and will all lash out to Allen, his fiance and the saintess. Then out of anger they will reveal all the things that happened to Raiden and why did he became the infamous bad boy of the academy.
ReplyDeleteCan't really advocate for our MC in this. He really brought it upon himself. Though can't really blame him given how fragile his sanity was in this situation.
ReplyDeleteI agree that his decisions aren't the best, but he was never in a good state of mind. I saw before about how you were complaining about the 'masked hero' situation, and I think his decision is just. Think about it, most likely his image would get better but the trouble it brings is not according to his plan, and the higher rewards of hiding his identity was worth it in his eyes.
Deletethis system is absolutely garbage, no point in having one if it just disappear in your time of need
ReplyDeleteas someone who had suicide attempts and severe chronic depression this really hit home to me. It was a mix of drug use too to forget the pain of depression and when I finally overdosed and the drugs stopped doing what I needed them to do, I tried pulling the plug on my life in an OD. Took a year to get back to a semblance of health and it takes rigorous discipline, therapy and treatment. When you slap a band-aid on depression, shit doesn't really work man. Author I think clearly has some experience with either suicide/ depression or might have even lost someone due to it. Really solid writing.
ReplyDelete