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Chapter 67 - A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Bastard Aristocrat

Don't worry, Mom. This time I will be truly happy. DBT,Korean,Novel,Translation,Academy,DKPBA,Fantasy,Possession,DepressionBonus chapter thanks to '@Blackskul' for subscription to 'Iron Will' tier on Ko-fi.

That's okay.

While Raiden was pouring out his heart to the status window, lost in his melancholy.

Nearby, a girl stood quietly, eavesdropping on his conversation.

A girl with brilliant platinum blonde hair and blue eyes.

She held her breath, focusing on the voice that reached her ears.

"......"

The girl had been searching for Raiden ever since the funeral ended.

She felt a pang of hurt that he had disappeared so suddenly, but she was also worried.

Raiden wasn't someone who would vanish without a reason.

Something must have happened, she thought, her steps hurried as she wandered the Academy grounds.

She found him after the sky had turned pitch black.

He was sitting on a bench, his posture slumped with exhaustion.

The girl breathed a sigh of relief and ran towards him, but then she stopped in her tracks.

His condition was shocking.

- ......How did I look to you?

- I mean, about what happened earlier... Do you think I was too harsh?

Raiden was staring into the empty air, holding a conversation.

As if someone was actually standing in front of him.

The girl froze for a moment at the bizarre sight.

An ordinary person would have been terrified.

There he was, shrouded in darkness, muttering to himself as if possessed by a ghost.

But the girl, knowing his past and mental state,

felt nothing but pity.

'He's hearing hallucinations...'

Raiden had been suffering from hallucinations and delusions.

Ever since he witnessed his own mother being murdered right in front of his eyes.

Grief had scarred him, consuming his life, and the pain had broken him.

The girl's lips trembled slightly.

She knew about Raiden's pain, of course.

But this was the first time she had witnessed this side of him so vividly.

Reflected in his wavering blue eyes was a lonely boy, carrying a heavy burden on his back.

- I told you, I'm fine.

- You never listen, do you...

Raiden continued his monologue, his eyes unfocused.

He let out a hollow chuckle, then shook his head.

As she watched him silently,

a cruel sentence suddenly escaped his lips, piercing the girl's heart.

- Yeah, yeah... I'm struggling. I get it, so stop bothering me.

It was a cry filled with exhaustion.

The girl felt a pang in her chest.

Raiden was a person who couldn't be honest about his own feelings.

He wouldn't say he was hurting, even when he was in pain, and wouldn't say he was struggling even when he was having a hard time.

Raiden, who obsessively hid his wounds in front of others, was only now, with his hallucinations by his side, beginning to reveal his true feelings.

The girl's vision blurred as she watched the pitiful scene.

- Honestly... Allen's words got to me.

- I've had those thoughts before.

- The thought that Master might have died because of me.

The 'Master' Raiden was referring to was most likely Professor Lucas.

He was the only faculty member Raiden was close to.

The girl instinctively knew what Raiden's melancholy was connected to.

- Maybe Allen's right, maybe Master did die because of me.

- I thought I was doing my best.

- Am I really doing okay?

- Could I have saved Master if I had tried harder?

Raiden was blaming himself.

He was agonizing over the responsibility of his master's tragedy, carrying the weight on his own shoulders.

He had done his best, but he was tormented by the thought of whether he had been on the right path.

Come to think of it, Raiden had always been like this.

When he lost his mother, he blamed himself, believing he was the cause of the tragedy.

Even while suffering from severe mental illness, he was busy pushing himself to the limit, prioritizing others.

Raiden acted as if he was to blame for all the misfortunes in the world.

- Well, I don't know...

He needed it.

Someone to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that he was doing well enough.

He needed someone to offer him reassurance as he crumbled under the weight of his anxiety.

- I miss Master… He would have told me I was doing a good job.

A whisper, filled with loneliness, reached her ears.

The girl couldn't take it anymore and ran out in front of Raiden.

Perhaps due to her overflowing emotions, she was already half in tears.

The blonde girl... Lucy, her voice trembling, shouted at him.

"It's not your fault, Raiden...!"

"......Your Highness?"

Startled by her sudden appearance, the boy lifted his head to look at Lucy.

His lifeless black eyes held only a faint trace of sorrow.

***

My initial surprise at Lucy's sudden appearance quickly faded.

I made the panting girl sit down on the bench.

Her slender legs were trembling, as if she had been searching for me all day.

She seemed like she had a lot to say,

but I gently ignored her for the moment and guided her to the bench.

The Imperial Princess, running around until her legs gave out?

She did the same thing during our last school trip.

What if she really got hurt…

“You must maintain your composure, Your Highness…”

“......”

Lucy bit her lip and didn’t answer my scolding.

Is she upset?

Well… she has every right to be.

If I hadn’t disappeared from the funeral without a word, Lucy wouldn’t be acting like this.

I chuckled, shaking my head at her stubborn silence.

“Please don’t do this again… And, I apologize for disappearing so suddenly earlier. I had something to attend to.”

Lucy still remained silent.

I wondered if she was angry, but her expression suggested otherwise.

She seemed to be carefully choosing her words.

As I pondered her serious demeanor, Lucy finally spoke.

“...Raiden.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Do you remember what I just said…?”

“What you just said…?”

“I said it wasn’t your fault.”

“Ah, yes, I remember.”

I didn’t know why she said that, but she definitely did.

It wasn’t my fault.

Lucy took a deep breath after I confirmed, then met my gaze.

“I… I actually overheard you.”

“Pardon?”

“When you were talking to the hallucination, I was nearby.”

“.....?”

Hallucination? Talking? What was she talking about?

Taken aback by her unexpected confession, I froze for a moment before realizing her misunderstanding.

She must have overheard my conversation with the status window.

Of course, from her perspective, I must have seemed out of my mind.

A wry smile touched my lips.

As I was about to correct her misunderstanding,

Lucy continued, cutting off my explanation.

“Your Highness, that was actually…”

“You were blaming yourself, Raiden.”

“…..”

My mouth closed.

I was going to see how much she had heard, but it was pointless.

Lucy seemed to have witnessed everything.

I couldn’t help but let out a small sigh at her firm gaze.

“Raiden.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“Do you really think that…? That it was all your fault…?”

“…..”

“Answer me…”

“….I apologize.”

I dodged the question, but it was practically an admission.

Tears welled up in her blue eyes as they looked at me.

Lucy’s shoulders trembled as if she was trying to hold back her tears, and then she whispered, her voice shaking.

“I… I wish you would be a little kinder to yourself…”

“…..”

“You deserve it.”

With those trembling words, Lucy grasped my hand tightly.

The cold autumn air clinging to my fingertips was replaced by her warm touch.

“Think about all the things you’ve accomplished.”

First, you saved me from the threat of assassination.

And you fought single-handedly against the assassins who attacked the Academy.

During the recent school trip attack, you risked your life to save Lady Phyler.

You fought the undead and survived a near-death experience.

“You saved the lives of countless students in the process… including mine.”

Lucy smiled awkwardly, her eyes filled with tears.

Love, trust, and sadness were beautifully intertwined in her glistening tears.

“I don’t want you to burden yourself so much.”

With that, Lucy turned to face me.

Then, she stretched out her arms and pulled me into a tight embrace.

As I was caught off guard by the sudden warmth of her hug, a calm whisper reached my ears.

“Y-Your Highness…?”

“Don’t worry. You’re doing well enough.”

If you did your best, that’s all that matters.

I don’t know if I can ever replace Professor Lucas,

but lean on me from now on.

Whenever you’re feeling anxious like today, I’ll tell you.

“That you’re doing well…”

“…..”

I couldn’t say a word.

I just stood there, dumbfounded, accepting the warmth she offered.

The words she had just spoken were organizing themselves in my mind, filling me with a strange sense of comfort.

‘You’re doing well enough.’

It was a simple sentence,

but its meaning was far from simple.

Words of encouragement were offered to me, someone who was suffering from anxiety and distrust.

And because the speaker was none other than Lucy, those words resonated even more deeply.

Lucy von Lietro.

The girl who survived because I had twisted the original story.

At the same time, the first person I was able to save by my own choice.

She, who could be considered a part of my past footsteps, was acknowledging my existence.

She was telling me that I wasn’t wrong.

“We promised… that we would always be the most precious friends to each other.”

It was a reminder of a faded memory.

Looking at her smile, which seemed to gently paint a corner of autumn, I felt a lump in my throat.

My arms were now wrapped around her back.

I whispered in a trembling voice.

“…Thank you.”

It was a plain expression of gratitude that could have easily been perceived as insincere.

But this was the best I could do at the moment.

It was difficult to maintain my composure.

I felt like the expressionless mask I was wearing would shatter if I relaxed even a little.

Fortunately, Lucy seemed to understand.

She gently patted my back with a careful touch.

I closed my eyes for a moment, enveloped by the warmth that spread gently through my body.

“Just rest like this for a bit… I’ll be here.”

I slowly leaned against Lucy.

And with a long exhale, I let go of all my strength.

So much had happened today.

Master’s funeral, the encounter with Gillius, the conflict with Allen, and now Lucy…

A deep fatigue washed over me.

I didn’t want to think about anything.

Right now, I just…

wanted to rest, embraced by this warmth.


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5 Comments

  1. It feels repetitive. Author trying to garner pity/sympathy for MC.

    Thanks for the chapter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe don't read a novel titled "A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Bastard Aristocrat" if you don't want to read a story about a depressed kendo player? Bro literally killed himself chapter 1 and immediately tried again after being transmigrated in chapter 2, zero hesitation. And that didn't give you athe slightest idea about the tone of the rest of the novel?

      What did you expect? Sunshine? Rainbows? Unicorns? (well I guess there were those lol)

      Delete
    2. That's how a depressed person thinks.. its just an endless loop of thinking the worst about yourself. When your depression is that extreme the one person you hate the most is yourself and you find a certain pleasure in taking blame for every negative thing happening around you.. i've experienced it myself and it took me years to get out of that mindset... There can be relapses after a brief period of getting better.. So dont expect this to stop any time soon..

      Delete
  2. While the title of this novel suggests that this will happen frequently in the future, it raises the question of how long the repetitive situation will continue. Gradually, readers will tire of hearing the main character repeatedly blame himself and seek solace in being embraced. We don't actually see any character development other than him getting stronger.

    ReplyDelete